Janet’s Army

US Girl Scouts Prepare for war, pestilence

The United States wants to enlist its 3.4 million Girl Scouts in the effort to combat hurricanes, pandemics, terror attacks and other disasters.

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) launched a campaign Tuesday to entice the blue, brown and green-clad multitudes to be even more prepared, with the promise of a new patch if they pitch in.

Napolitano’s 3.4 million Girl Scouts to the rescue! This should have al Qaeda leaders shaking in their filthy beards.

No doubt the thinking is that Thin Mints pose a danger to people on dialysis like bin Laden. Not to mention the cavities and obesity potential from consuming too many delicious sugary snacks.

The young scouts will be able to emblazon their sashes or vests with the patch if they undergo the training which readies them for an emergency.

I’m torn between the obligatory “Patches? We don’t need no stinkin’ patches!” reference or linking to this Clarence Carter classic:

This much is true:

Janet’s army is here to stay
Janet’s army are on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
Than here today.

And yes, ladies and gentlement, Elvis has left the building.

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