It is with the greatest regret, on behalf of [Billy Ayers and the rest of] our Board, that we must announce [since no one would otherwise notice] that Air America Media is ceasing its live programming operations as of this afternoon, and that the Company will file soon under Chapter 7 of the Bankruptcy Code to [avoid paying our creditors, steal whatever isn’t nailed down and] carry out an [dis-]orderly winding-down of the business.
The very difficult economic environment has had a significant impact on Air America’s business. This past year has seen a “perfect storm” in the [dodo and dinosaur] media industry generally [while inexplicably avoiding Rush, Sean, Glenn, O’Reilly and Fox News]. National and local advertising revenues have fallen drastically [coincidentally in perfect synch with our sharply declining listenership], causing many [left/liberal, but not conservative] media companies nationwide to fold or seek [solace in bong hits and] bankruptcy protection. From large to small, recent bankruptcies like Citadel Broadcasting and closures like that of the industry’s long-time trade publication Radio and Records have signaled that these are very difficult and rapidly changing times.
Those companies that remain [clueless] are facing audience fragmentation as a result of new media technologies, are often saddled with crushing debt, and have generally found it difficult to obtain operating or investment capital from traditional sources of funding. [Ironically, for all our efforts to kill capitalism, it killed us.] In this climate, our painstaking search for new investors [with money but not brains to spare] has come close several times right up into this week, but ultimately fell short of success. [Translation: Soros won’t return our calls.]
With radio industry ad revenues down for 10 consecutive quarters [rather an amazing accomplishment when you consider we had zero revenues last year], and reportedly off 21% in 2009 [we made 79 cents!], signs of improvement have consisted of hoping things will be less bad [if Obama gave us a bailout to save us from the predictable consequences of his disastrous economic policies, but alas we were screwed]. And though Internet/new media revenues are projected to grow [for reliable, trustworthy, creative and innovative companies, but unfortunately we are none of the above], our expanding online efforts face the same monetization and profitability challenges in the short term confronting the Web operations of most media companies [who shill shamelessly for obscenely bloated government in general and Obama in particular].
When Air America Radio launched in April, 2004 with already-known [psychotic] personalities like Al Franken and then-[and still-] unknown future stars like Rachel Maddow, it was the only full-time progressive voice in the mainstream broadcast media world [other than NPR, PBS, CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Boston Globe and the 95% of journalists who voted to nationalize the banking, auto and healthcare industries, quadruple the deficit, undermine our allies, and weaken our national security]. At a critical time in our nation’s history — when [extreme loathing of our country and military masquerading as legitimate] dissent on issues such as the Iraq war were [never in fact but] often [in our sick fantasies] denounced as “un-American” — Air America and its talented team helped millions [and by millions, we mean hundreds] of Americans remember the importance of compelling [delusional unhinged rants in lieu of actual] discussion about the most pivotal events and decisions of our generation.
Through some 100 radio outlets nationwide [and fewer listeners], Air America helped build a new sense of purpose and determination among American progressives. With this revival [and with Soros funneling billions to radical left 527 groups and our government schools' success in graduating reliably Democrat voters completely lacking critical thinking skills], the progressive movement made major gains in the 2006 mid-term elections and, more recently, in the election of President Barack Obama and a strongly Democratic Congress.
Laws have changed for the better [for Obama-favored constituencies: suspected terrorists with al Qaeda ties, ACORN, SEIU, illegal immigrants, etc.] thanks to this revival…..but all the same our company cannot escape the laws of economics [despite Obama's and the Democrat Congress' efforts to repeal them]. So we intend a rapid, orderly closure over the next few days. All current employees will be paid through today, January 21 [so Obama can count them as jobs saved or created in January]. A severance package [paid by our chump investors’/affiliates’ who would have seen better returns from Madoff] will be offered tomorrow to full-time current employees with more than six months of tenure.
We will strive to assist affiliates and partners in achieving a smooth transition. Starting at 6 pm EST today, we will provide our affiliates, listeners and users a selection of encore programming until 9 pm EST on Monday, January 25, at which time Air America programming will end [with our progressive band playing Nearer my Satan to Thee].
We are proud that Air America’s mission lives on through the words and actions of so many former radio hosts who [in a sane world would be unemployed or in jail, but] are active today in progressive causes and media nationwide [because what this country needs most is more community organizers]. In the years ahead, as we look back, we should all be [embarrassed and humbled, but we will inexplicably remain] proud of our [colossal failure and our] passionate determination to assure that our nation’s progressive voice would be heard loud [very very loud] and clear. Through the [lack of] hard work and dedication of current staff, and those who preceded you, a lasting legacy was forged which will now continue through other voices and venues.
Actually I’m rather amazed they could compose a 600-word press release without blaming their problems on global warming or George W. Bush.